I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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