how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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