Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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