Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My hand turned me down
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
