Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My bed smells like the plague
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
