Umm I'm too high to move.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
