if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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