I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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