OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We just shotgunned beers for America
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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