woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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