she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
