Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
