toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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