I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
