I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
