Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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