I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
