My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
