he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
