i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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