I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
