I wish I could teleport
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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