The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
