carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
