SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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