you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
