There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
