Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
