1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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