my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
