me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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