I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
