Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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