Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
