**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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