there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
