I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
