He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
