Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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