all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
