I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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