Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
