I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
