I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
