i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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