I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
