I like to think it a success when the cops are called
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she peed on how many people?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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