It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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