omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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