My nipple is on Facebook.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
