I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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